Hope you're not reading this

This is my second attempt at starting a blog. I started my first about 2 years ago but was too paranoid someone would actually READ it that I gave it up. There's also this impulse for me to spill my guts all in one posting but I'm learning that will guarantee to keep people at a good distance away from me. And that's not a good thing, as Martha would say. And that will be my only reference to Martha.

What propelled me to begin this whole thing began just 20 minutes ago while I was washing dishes. I always seem to do my best thinking there. When I was younger it used to be right before I went to sleep, which would explain my not getting much sleep. I'm trying to think of the word that means not getting much sleep. Apnea, myopia, non-drowsiness, god, I HATE that. I'm finding as I get older that words seem to evade me and I have to take the long way around to finishing a sentence. INSOMNIA! God that took a while.

Any way, what initially made me decide to write this blog is that earlier while I was watching the beginning of Annie Hall where Woody Allen begins the movie by speaking directly to the camera. It's just a close-up of him in front of a wall in what looks to be a small room painted a sort of orangish color that denotes the sort of hue reminiscent of the 70's, and his mannerisms strike me as familiar. I used to date a guy when I was around 18 or 19 and he had the exact same mannerisms, way of speaking, EVERYthing. And it just hit me now, after about 2 decades (ok, now you know how old I am, although, again, I hope no one is reading this), that he was walking around imitating Woody Allen. AND, he used to say how much he LOVED Woody Allen movies. It ALL fell into place this afternoon at 2:00 p.m. God, I could have saved all this crap if I'd only payed closer attention to all those Woody Allen movies I saw with this guy. But while I was watching Annie Hall earlier this afternoon, I finally realized how funny he (Woody Allen) really is. And how different I am now that I actually enjoyed the movie enough to be laughing out loud in a house all by myself. I love those moments.

The other thing I wanted to write about is that while I was washing the dishes and putting them in the dishrack, that I after I rinsed the big knife, I perched it so the blade was in the rack and the handle was extended over the side of the rack. That way I could easily grab the knife should I suddenly be attacked in the kitchen, or if I'm being chased, I could run and grab it on the way.

God, am I paranoid or what. I can't be the only person who thinks this way. Nah.

To finish, I just want to say that there are 2 voices in my head. One is the fun, outgoing, giving, and ambitious one that wants to jump into things head first. Then there's the other one, I think it's an accountant or insurance rep, that tells me not too, reminds me of the cost involved, or effort and points back to the recliner and changes the channel to TCN where I can watch old movies commercial-free. That's the big thing in my afternoon...commercial free. Well, I did start this blog, so my better voice won this time.